Here is a loooonng old thread about "Parenting & Rage".  I have written a lot of information about self-help mantras, nutrition, books, insights and coping techniques for our parental baggage from childhood triggered by our child's "demands".

Observe and identify triggers.  For me it was feeling judged by family, time pressure/deadlines, when I was exhausted and sleep deprived, perfectionism (worried what others think of my parenting/me - self-judgment), hunger/dehydration.

The "90 Second Rule" helps me to physiologically move through the intensity of a stress-inducing situation without attaching judgment to it. The problem is 9-month olds don't stop crying after only 90 seconds!

IN THE MOMENT, walk to the kitchen sink and run the faucet and pour a big glass of water and infuse it with "Be, Divine, Love, Together" energy.  Those are key words for connecting and peace and love.  Drink the water, no matter if the house is being torn up around you, you will be more able to handle the situation.

Breathe in peace.

Breathe out serenity.

Really works for me.

But, I have to walk away from the situation in the heat of the moment.

Listen to your body.  I had a counselor ask me to visualize where I felt the anger, watch it as it comes upon me.  Where is it?  What does it feel like?  Heat?  Tightness?  Clenched teeth?  Drawn fists?  A huge inhalation of breath?  Setting my jaw?  Hands on my hips?  My ears tingle.  My chest feels constricted.  I feel hot, etc.

Observe.  That is the first step of any Scientific Method.  Observe yourself.  Don't get caught up in the self-talk of 'oh god here I go again, I wish I could stop myself'.  Watch.  And when you can start to see the signs earlier and earlier...then you can change the story.

I start to feel my chest expand, I set my jaw and I KNOW:  "I need to take a break.  I am the Adult. I can control myself."  And I walk to the kitchen sink and run a large glass of water (and the house can be falling down around me) and I drink the water and I "infuse" it with the "switch words": "Be. Divine. Love. Together."  These are connecting words which help to 'switch the energy'.  And sometimes I have to take some Rescue Remedy and Breathe.    Breathe.    Breathe.    And then I can think more clearly.   But, I had to trust that I could change the story from that which happens again and again and again and again...

With our thoughts we create our world!

Listen to your body.  Trust that it will show you the path to that which you desire: peace.

Here are several of my favorite posts:

My friend wrote the following quote. I had it as my sig line for a long time.  "When we have children we are woken to our childhood pain and either work on healing or inflict it on them" J.A.Wood

More about learning Self-care for the mom:

Hope that helps.  I've found that my parenting journey has been to learn self-care, self-awareness and self-control, in that order.

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