Most moms like to go in and sneak a peek and watch their baby sleep. Me, I couldn't stand it. It was our first sign that something was seriously wrong with our baby. She looked like she was possessed by demons while she slept. She would flail. Arch her backs. Make that startled movement you make like you are dreaming that you are falling off of a cliff. She would scream. And most horrifyingly - she would stop breathing for a few seconds.

My husband and I would take turns holding her throughout the night to make sure she lived. He worked until 4 a.m. and then he would come in and take over. I would get about 2 hours of sleep and then get up and go to work. When it happened, when you realized it had been a few seconds since you felt that rhymic in and out of her chest - you would jostle her a little until it resumed. Whenever we mentioned it to the doctor he would say, "as long as she doesn't turn blue - it is okay."

And then that moment happened. My 6 year old and I sat there playing on the computer with the 6 week old slept in her swing. My husband was out looking for the new car he was sure we needed with a new baby. Suddenly I looked over and threw the laptop across the room as I screamed, "holy sh&t she's blue." We grabbed the baby, called the husband and raced to the ER. The simple act of grabbing her out of the swing scared her into breathing. At Children's Hospital they made us take Infant CPR classes and monitored her for the day and night. Then they sent us home with an apnea monitor.

This was already our second trip to Children's. The first occurred at 5 weeks when we thought she was having seizures. They pulled us right out of line when they saw it happen and rushed us in to see a doctor. She was being treated for infant reflux and after a few tests and observation the doctor's assured us that she wasn't having seizures but that it too was cuased by her infant reflux.

They used to call it colic. Now they call it infant reflux. Me, I don't care what they call it - I call it the reflux demon. I just know that it sucks - for the entire family. The first 7 months of her life she screamed 24/7. I wore her in every type of babywear gear you could fathom. We held her all night long as she slept. We bought specials beds. We tried various diets. And we gave her medication.

But nothing has ever really stopped the pain for her. She still sleeps like she is possessed by demons. Flailing, flinging, arching and making a variety of noises to try and get the pain out of her chest. She often coughs and is rubbing her nose because it bothers her all the way up to her nose. And often she cries - when she wants to eat and can't because of the pain, when she wants to sleep but can't because of the pain . . . it always comes back to the pain.

There are fewer things in life I think that will ever piss you off than seeing your baby be in pain and having absolutely nothing you can do about it. I mean seriously full out seething below the surface anger that makes you want to cuss out the universe that dares to hurt your baby. If another human being hurt my child I could have some type of recourse. We often say to ourselves, if anyone hurt my child I would kill them. I wouldn't think twice about it. And yet, here my child is hurting and there is no one I can kill. No one I can lash out at. No one I can make pay. No one I can make stop. The universe is kinda too big for me to beat up I think.

So instead I continue to try to find the foods that she doesn't digest well - that she is intolerant to - that make the reflux worse. I spend all my time researching and trying and visiting doctors. Not to mention all my money. I pray every night before we go to bed that somehow this night will please please please somehow be different and the demons will leave her alone and let her sleep in peace. In 20 months, she has only had 4 nights where she wasn't visited by the reflux demon. I'm still trying to find my reflux exorcist. And tonight when I go to sleep again, I'll pray that my prayers won't be in vain. I can not slay the universe, but damn it - I want to slay the reflux demon.

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Comment by PATTI BLANKENSHIP on September 19, 2010 at 11:26am
Old colic tricks: Wrap her tightly/swaddle. Be sure her feet are always warm, covered in booties or socks. Be sure her schedule is regular. Do not hold her just to hold her, like a new born puppy or kitten. Do not worry about getting sold food into her, get some warm (sweetened with stevia) catnip tea or tea from bay leaves into her, as well as probiotics. She probably will have very smelly stools and you may have to work to get the right amount of probiotics. Use colloidal silver if she has any type of rash. Put some classical music on in her room, and in your house. Be sure no one is allowed to express nervousness, anger or craziness in your house, much less near her. Put her right arm under your left arm when you do hold her, and hold her closely. Use a pacifier if necessary, she needs both the sucking and soothing. Bathe her quickly and do not let her get chilled afterward. Use lotion to give her a massage, especially her abdomen, going with the direction of the colon, to disperse abdominal congestion (booties and swaddling help with this too). Keep her warm and relaxed, and her mother, too. This too shall pass...do the best you can, stay as calm as you can, as positive as you can because she will reflect whatever you model for her. Sending you blessings and prayers.
Comment by Anna on September 19, 2010 at 1:38pm
My child had difficult digestion issues when she was a baby. It really started from birth. My older dd had issues with dairy, so we cut that out but it didn't do it for dd #2. Wheat was also an issue. It's been a long road but we found the most relief from homeopathy and acupuncture. The acupuncture was probably the most effective but the homeopathy helped a great deal.

I'm sure you already know that anti-acid just exacerbate the problem. I mention it because it's usually the first and only tool that MDs have. It is just the exact opposite of what the body is telling us with reflux.

Pat is a treasure trove of info about reflux, stomach acid and digestion in general. I'm sure you will find tons of info on the site.

I know how challenging it was. I hope you can find things that will help. And again just want to recommend finding an acupuncturist. They are so great with digestion issues!

~Anna

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